no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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