yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
