She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
