ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
