I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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