cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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