hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
