even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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