The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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