i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
