I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
