he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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