i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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