why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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