yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize