Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
