So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
