Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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