i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize