feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
