it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
