you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize