I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
