I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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