just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
