Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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