That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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