im six kinds of drunk right now
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
