Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love you. Go after that dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
