For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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