it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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