It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
