I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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