I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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