please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
