Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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