You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
