I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
