Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
from now on my penis is your penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
