Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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