Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
one might say we're banned from that church
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
