Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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