i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
