One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want her autograph on my taint
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
