Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize