I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
