i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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