No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
