Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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