My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
