I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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