I could make wine with my vomit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
