Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
