I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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