Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
