I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
