i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
