My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
