I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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