I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
