I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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