i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
