a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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