Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
