I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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