she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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