I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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