Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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