And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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