i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
