Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
MIDGETS
????
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
